Blood Family vs. True Family

 I can't help but think about an incidence that happened not too long ago with my brother.  I was having a rough week, finding out about Jason being med boarded, my migraines, and well a bunch of things that I won't bore you about now.  My cousin put up on her status some political remark that was anti-obama, and anyone who knows me knows that I am completely and utterly Anti-Obama myself so I agreed with her remark.  My brother is a staunch hippy democrat and attacked us both.  The next day I commented on my facebook that people should be able to voice their opinions, political, religious, whatever they may be without the fear of ridicule from their friends and family.  He again automatically went into attack mode.  Now remember this was at the end of a very very long week for me.  My neighbor across the street decided to bring her mother to my home and attack me about the behavior of our 6 month old puppy.  (He had a tendency of sneaking out the door when they kids were going in and out) Since I didn't want to deal with her and felt like I was being attacked, I did what any level headed adult would do, I turned around, walked inside and slammed the door in their faces, then came in, called my friend and promptly burst into tears.  Now during this my brother is putting mean comments on my facebook, so my friend decides she can at least help with that one....and starts an argument with him.  I tell him to just leave it alone and he takes it as I am standing up for my friend and deletes me off his friends list.  Now should that have affected me?  No.  But as a military spouse, who hasn't seen her family in nearly four years, an attack of that magnitude from the only sibling that actually acknowledges her, it broke my heart.  So again as any self respecting adult would do, I told my mommy on him.  Now here is where I started noticing the difference between my "blood family" and my "true family".  My mom tells me that I should have told my friend to shove it and not my brother.  That we are family and at the end of the day thats all we have.  Is it?  As I look back on the worst moments of my life and I look at the people who held my hand when I cried the most tears, the people who have dropped what they were doing to help me and who I have dropped everything to be there for.  I begin to wonder.

When I was growing up I had a family that was split from a divorce.  I had my mom and my brother who lived in Missouri and I lived with my father, stepmother, stepsister, and half sister in Kansas.  I never felt like I had a real place, that I had to walk a very thin line to be accepted, to be loved.  I didn't feel comfortable in my house, the only place I felt safe was at school amongst my friends, that was the only place I ever felt like I could be myself or at least a clearer version of myself.  When I was able to make the decision between Missouri and Kansas I started to come into my own.  People could love me as I was or not but I was finally figuring out who I was.  Since then the people who couldn't accept the real me have gone to the wayside and though that has hurt, its the way life has to be. But that leaves the question to at the end of the day is my blood family all I have?

The answer is absolutely not.  Cause frankly I don't have much of a blood family to speak of.  I don't speak to my stepmom or stepsister.  I barely speak to my father or half sister.  I text my mom and talk to my grandma once a week, but I have never met the woman my brother has been engaged to for four years.  I don't know what he likes besides democrats, and he doesn't know a lick about me except I am married, hopefully he knows I have two kids, and I live in Jersey.  All of that he can get from my facebook profile. 

On the other hand...my true family knows absolutely everything about me, they know what makes me happy, what makes me cry, and what makes me want to kill someone.  They know what foods my son can and can't eat and why.  They have seen me at my worst, they have held my hair when I drank too much, and made fun of me the next day.  They have been right next to me and celebrated with me during the best times.  I know that no matter what I do or say to them, they will love me and accept me.  They are the ones you can be seperated from for days, weeks, months, or even as some years but when you are together again all that doesn't matter.  You pick up the threads just like you were never apart to begin with.  They are more than the friends that you make a long the way, they are the ones that change your life, who make you think about things in a whole new light, they are the ones that when you are backed against the wall are right there with you ready to throw the punches, who will give you a hand when you need it no matter what they may be doing at the time, and whether or not they agree with your decisions will support you.  I honestly can't say that about most of my blood relatives. 

I am not sure if this is strictly a military spouse thing, or just a product of the enviornment I grew up in.  All of this is why we decided to move to Alabama instead of back to our "family".  I want my kids to grow up surrounded by the warmth and acceptance of family, and for us that means the family we have created not the one we were born into.  So for that love and acceptance I thank my True Family of friends for always being there, for who I can build a greater future for my kids with, for those who will kick my blood families a$$!!  

Musings of what is ahead....

I know I just posted a few minutes ago but I wanted to put some of my thoughts down and since this is the reason I started the blog to begin with I thought, "Why not?" 

We have chosen to move to Alabama, somewhere near Prattville which is about twenty minutes outside Montgomery.  It is close enough to the city so we will have the conveniences that affords but its a small town with low crime and a great school district so a place we can finally lay down some roots for our children and give them the advantages that every parent dreams of for their kids.


But the big questions are what, where and when?  We know the general location, we know a general time, 5-8months, heck we even have a general what....Jason wants to get a double major in Computer Science and Business from Auburn University.  But...and this is where I start getting a little panicky....where in Prattville will we live?  Our credit is not the best, so will we have any trouble finding a house to rent until we can purchase one? I will need to work at least a part time job to help with the finances but what am I going to do?  and the biggest is the when.  I don't like the oh in 5-8 months answer.  I want to know if the kids will have to be moved mid semester, I will have to get them enrolled into the new school as quickly as possible but to do that don't you need an address in that school district?  Is Devin going to miss out on the standardized testing and will that affect his schooling?  Will he be at the same level with the other kids his age? Do they have the advanced math club or its equivalant where we are chosing to go?  How much is Jason's retirement/seperation pay be?  Are they going to seperate him or retire him?  If they only seperate him what happens with the medical insurance?  And the list goes on and on.

Starting a new life journey with an established family brings up soo much more than if it was just me and Jason.  And the mother in me is absolutely terrified of the unknown aspects of this lifechanging event, but the woman in me, the one who still remembers how it was jump off a cliff screaming at the top of her lungs and the feeling of absolute freedom that action brought, can't wait to take the plunge.  The two are warring in my head right now, one says, "Stop worrying there isn't anything you can do about it anyway." while the other one says, "But how will we eat? We need a roof over our heads, what if the kids get sick....." 

Stay tuned to see which one actually makes it through this.

With Jason's MEB being opened finally and us having only a few months left my level of stress has rocketed.  In an effort to control  my anxiety and to keep myself occupied I have decided to start this blog to chronicle our journey down this path.  Its new and its scary but as a family we will all survive.  I know there are other families who have been through this process and more who are about to so maybe together we can figure out this new and crazy life.